And what if monkeys fly out of my ass???

The following is my response to this:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070830/ap_on_re_us/virginia_tech_investigation_14

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I'm a student of Virginia Tech. Let's also say that, again for the sake of argument, I've got some mental stability issues. Instead of grabbing the nearest automatic rifle and opening fire, all of the sudden, my ASS opens up and starts sprouting monkeys. Not likely, I know, but stay with me. These aren't your cute cuddly monkeys like you see in the zoo. Not humorous chimpanzees like Cheetah from the Tarzan movies. No, these are vicious monkeys hell-bent on mischief and mayhem like the ones from the Wizard of Oz. Full grown, mad as hell and complete with wings. They're on a mission from the wicked witch herself.

So... Let's say this happens at 7 AM in the morning and a couple of people get killed or maimed. Not surprising really, given what they are (vicious monkeys) and where they're at (densely poplulated college campus). Some time goes by (maybe a couple of hours), no more reports of mayhem on campus. Hmm... Maybe the monkeys got tired of the mayhem and flew off somewhere. The authorities at VT are thinking, "Whew! Man, we (somewhat) dodged that bullet". They really have no way of knowing one way or the other. So, they craft a carefully worded e-mail to their students saying that there may be some cause for concern on the campus, so be very, very careful.

The problem was that the monkeys hadn't flown off somewhere, they'd just gotten together for a concentrated attack at a specific location. They didn't give any advance indication that this is what they'd planned to do, but that's what they did. They ended up killing and wounding scores or unsuspecting students.

What were the folks at VT thinking!? They should have warned everyone immediately! Then all those students could have huddled (safely?) in their rooms until the all clear was given. Maybe the Governor of Virginia himself should have declared a state of emergency until all those monkey were rounded up and euthanized. If only that had happened, all that additional bloodshed could have been avoided. Who knows how many lives could have been saved.

Let that be a lesson to everyone. If you're not completely and totally prepared for the outrageously improbable. If you don't have a plan for, and have the capacity to react to, every possible eventuality. You are going to wish you had an ass full of killer monkeys. Because you'll certainly be more comfortable living with them, than you will being dry fucked by the pompous pricks with the 20-20 hindsight vision goggles sent to judge you in the aftermath.